Divide and conquer..................................not!

You know the film 'Clash of the Titans' well that is actually based on what happens in my household.

Granted chez moi it is a low-budget version of it but basically the plot of family members not getting on and causing mayhem in the household is quite present.

So like a film this is how it takes place;

1st Child enters a room looking for a sibling to bother (okay maybe not exactly looking for someone to bother but definately looking for 'something' to do)
2nd Child does not want to be bothered and therefore gets into 'defense' mode (this defense mode can take on many forms, shouting, hitting, throwing stuff at sibling, there even has been a case of biting!)
3rd Child either decides to be the peacemaker or joins in with the fight (either way he or she will also end up with injuries!)

Then follows lots of special effects - mostly shouting, stamping feet, slamming doors (well this is a low-budget version) and then someone gets hurt and cries and then I hear that sweet sound of
"MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
been screamed around the house in different voices until someone finds me
(I really need to find better hiding places)

This does not happen on a daily basis, only on days ending in 'y'!

I check for injuries, any cuts and bruises, any loose teeth, the usual inspection then rant like a fish-wife for five minutes, once I get my breath back I then become like Zeus I pass a sentence - everyone is 'banished' to their rooms and are 'forbidden' to speak each other.

Then calm reigns in the household and along come the closing credits with the words
THE END............................................or is it.

The first 30 minutes are calm and then I will hear a bedroom door creak open really quietly and Zeus-like I bellow up the stairs
"where are you going?"
a squeaky voice answers
"getting a drink/going to the toilet/finding my limb that fell off during the fight"

Then there is the whispering and patter of feet so been god-like and nosey I go to check it out and that is when I find the three of them all together in one room playing a game together like little angels and thats when I would like to turn into Medusa and turn the little blighters into stone!

Way back when I had more than 5 brain cells (B.C. before children) the idea of having lots of children seemed such a good idea but the thing we forget is that once we get past two kids you are actually outnumbering the adults in your household unless of course your other half is a big child and ah well can't help you there.

Of course you can attempt "divide and conquer" but this only works when you are using the following items - sweets, ice-cream, television and if all else fails - money!(technically can be seen as protection money).

There can be alternative endings (do not have to wait for the DVD box set to see this) they grow out of it, get bored by it or find quieter ways of annoying each other.

Ah bliss, the joys of parenthood.

The "W" word

Two of the most scariest words in the world begin with "w".

Here they are
"weight" and even worse than that "waistline"
(hope nobody fainted)

I have been a big boned girl for a long time (ok I know we all have the same sized bones but this is my version) and have never ever been the slim willowly type woman more of an oak tree with large branches kinda of woman. Once I was complimented on my fine 'child-bearing' hips - yes the last of the great romantics lives in Ireland, he didn't seem to understand why this compliment did not endear me to him!! I occasionally fretted about it as you do when you are young but at the time I was using the memory of a goldfish and used the age old mantra
"ah feck it I'll do something about it tomorrow" and then "what am I suppose to do tomorrow?" see goldfish brain!
Of course now the funny thing is that when I see photographs of my younger self I think "why did you get your knickers in a twist sure you were fine" compared to now I was a bloomin top model!

Now I do have a waistline, it is round here somewhere (ha ha ha) and yes I would like to loose weight just as much as the next person unless that person is _____________ (fill in the gap with the name of anyone famous you think are too thin!) And granted my eating plan so far has been hit and miss, okay thinking that because I did not eat 10 chocolate biscuits my body should drop a kilo in weight in appreciation may not be the best plan but hey a girl has to try.
I have thought of alternative plans - wiring my jaw shut (ah no that was my husband's idea!)
not buying any food (funnily enough my children do not like this plan) and dare I even say it - doing sport (you see how desperate I became!!)

I have often read inspiring stories of woman who seemingly overnight lost 2 dress sizes, the only time I did that is when I accidently donated the wrong clothes bag to charity!! Or you know those 'chick-lit' books where the woman is so unhappy with her life and suddenly she turns it all around and the 'weight' just drops off her, well the only time weight actually dropped off me was when I gave birth or accidently dropped my slice of carrot cake!!

However I always took time to inspire others with a "w" issue, some years back I met a new Mum who had a little baby and she was complaining about how she hadn't yet lost any of the 'baby' weight she gained during pregnancy, I told her that it was the same for me,
Me - How old is your baby?
Her - Nearly 3 hours old (only kidding!) 6 months old so it is time I lost the weight and your child?
Me - Ah lets see, nearly 10 years old!
And she was fine once she stopped sobbing hysterically.

So now I have apparently hit the age of reason (ouch did not see that coming) and should be more grown up about this 'weighty' issue (har har har) and more serious (well it is a heavy subject!) and do all that serious malarky - eating well and doing sport (oh nearly had a dizzy spell writing that!) and then apparently that is when you loose weight (yep sounds dodgey doesn't it?) or else I could just hire David Copperfield to 'magic' it away!!Hey it could be the new 'diet',  forget Atkins, South Beach etc no do a Copperfield and "magic" it away or better still "saw" it away!

No?

Okay it was worth a shot, I will make an effort, yep I'll only eat 8 low fat chocolate biscuits now (see the effort I am making!! amazing huh?) and see if my body will at least drop 100 grammes in appreciation of my will power.

See I am not afraid of the "w" words.................................okay just a little!!